Losing reason

One day,
Some time ago,
Someone told me:
"Everything happens for reason."
The reasons are to be seen in the future,
However, what happens occurs now,
Yet nobody knows why
On this day,
On this present time,
When something is happening
What's its real application or reason.
What have I gained in losing?
My life? My soul? Myself?
Yet here I am once more, same place,
Have I ever left?
Thinking makes me wish not to fall.
The inevitability grabs me
Like I've been painting it blue,
Corners are bent like knees to the ground,
Sour became the air gasping away,
Knocked down looking with weary eyes,
Is this what's left when air cries?
Is life resumed to hellos and goodbyes?
When will my eyes rejoice on your light?
My throat is heavy and my steps are still, circles are drawn but the picture stays the same...
Reasons are found and reason is lost,
And with it all is found for all I fought.
Losing my mind is where I find myself,
Losing seems ever so familiar to me...
Whenever I'm gone there's no one to be missed...
Like fire consuming ice, ice burns my skin, scarred in silence hiding beneath the smile of pleasant masks, I am me once more in such a familiar cave I dug among the passengers of life!
I take a cold shower to mask the shivers,
Burning inside out...
Dressed I stand naked before the blind,
My hands once cold are burnt,
Ripped open I stand before you,
Reason is forever lost...