The Monster

Would you hurt the one you love even without knowing?
Would you be so foolish to think her love wasn't there for you?
I am such medieval beast,
I injured the one I loved with my eyes wide shut,
Blinded by the silence I built around us,
I am the blindfolded bastard that even loving
Was not capable of looking beneath the appearances
I am the chain that tied her without knowing
The whip on her back, the razor on her heart,
I do not want her tears, mine she will have though not wanting,
I deserve all the pain, sorrow and regret,
I am such an evil senseless beast i don't deserve my own tears,
I must die a slow painful death, nails that tie my coffin will puncture me,
I deserve it all and more for making her suffer, my life is on her hands,
May she torture me as she please, to kill me will not suffice to erase the pain,
But I feel all that and more already, I am ashamed of myself,
Would I ever thought of this before? The answer is no.
Would I ever forgive myself? I hope that she can one day,
But I won't, however the hope of her love carries me alive through this maze,
Like a blind mouse burning in flames of pain, dying in every step still chasing her,
Looking to find himself while he feels the pain of losing her on every step he tries to mend...
Who would hurt ones love even without knowing?
Who would would be such a fool to believe it would never happen?
I love her still but she doubts it...
My eyes crave for her everywhere but I'm not to be missed...
My tears type each letter of each word while they try to wipe the regret of my face,
It aches so bad just to know I've caused so much pain that life itself became unbearable,
I breathe for her and she deservedly pushes me aside, my pain is still small for her
Because she doesn't know it, it's hard to sleep when my pain crushes me for the one I caused her,
I still love her like I never thought I could ever love anyone and yet she can't bear the sight of me,
The beast that I am, the ogre that should be banned from this world, not worthy of her presence
but still in love with her...
I am my own nightmare, my demon, my curse, I have to live with myself but she doesn't,
She needs to enjoy the freedom I took from her without knowing,
I never intended to kept her captive from life itself,
Instead I wanted her to be a prisoner of our love, does that mean the same?
To love means not to take someones freedom but to walk beside her through life,
Yes I am a monster, how could such beauty ever love me?
Outside tears keep falling from the skies, inside the rain pours from my eyes
and I'm insane, words thrown out of me because they cannot be withheld,
Yes I love her but she can no longer love me, or can she?
I miss her breathing while she was dreaming and I would try to meet her there,
Somewhere far from me I imagine her so peaceful in her sleep and I get lifted
Like if I was being carried by the memory of an angel,
Would you ever love me if you were her?
Can she love me still?
I stretch my hand in the hope she is still there wanting to grab it..,.

Checkmate

Silently walking down the street
skipping the tears on the sidewalk,
I caress the falling rain on my face
and cold breeze numbs my eyes
as memories break me from the inside...
Am I alive or just a faded memory in time?
I'm lost and although I'm not,
I'm just a dot in a spiral of descent,
I'm a walking dead, alive and yet dead,
I get home and there's something missing
a shattered hope still resides in me when it shouldn't,
home is no longer home anymore
I want to forget although I don't
and in silence I still crave for your scent,
the pillow once yours inebriates me from a far
everywhere I look there's a memory of you
and my heart prevails...
Strong on the outside, weak on the bone...
silence shouts your name in every moment
and I listen to it like a sour lullaby of yesterday,
today I feel what I probably shouldn't
but I canºt help it, you are here although you're not...
I try to sleep but I can't, in my dreams I seek for you,
I find you and make love to you one last time every night
only to wake up and find your absence...
Where are you now? I keep asking myself,
Why? I shout at myself why I keep doing this,
why do I still hope? Home... What is it now?
I return to the outside hoping the cold air will do me good,
I look at the starry sky and light a cigarrete,
slowly it kills me although I already feel dead inside,
meaning was lost the moment I wasn't enough,
checkmate, the king is dead...
The night lingers on and yet I still look for you...

by: Irrsinnig

In the Cold

Looking everywhere without being able to see,
cold air freezes my burning cold veins,
my head is low and it's weight unsustainable,
my hands can no longer feel your softer skin
like an ice storm upon me as the night falls.
One look around and words lose their meaning,
one step ahead and purgatory became sighing,
while the torture of time lingers and crawls
towards my no longer next of kin...
My tears once so wet became inflammable,
as past became torn and present lost as future pains.
Just as it was it will never be,
just as it should was declined to be,
whatever becomes I still can't see,
my eyes are open and yet I'm blind
everywhere I look, you it's all I find...
In silence I weep for your love so sweet,
for a momentary lapse of reason
to descend as a lightning scorching the skies,
but in faith and love there's no room for reason,
like a newborn that can't speak and so it cries,
Tears are the present and hope a mere wish of itself,
my eyes burn for unforgotten skies
as to breathe becomes nothing more than a reflex,
emptiness surrounds even crowded...
Speaking hurts, seeing hurts, breathing hurts...
The wind is cold
and yet something keeps me alive...

By: Irrsinnig

Ashes To Ashes

The ashes of insanity consume the air
it´s hard to breathe, it burns...
like the remaining of an endless fire ceasing
my lungs crush my heart into an invisible wall...
Another moment elapses as memories regain new meaning
the past becomes painful enough to disturb the present...
Dreams once so beautiful lose their trace in this cloud of ashes
carried by the wind I drift among the stones unheard...
In the void caused by your absence life stops to see the crossroads
breathing became unbearable and serenity was erased from the world...
A straight line will never be straight as the circle of fear around me
lost in tears as I bleed my heart through my fingers ashes disturb my vision...
The remaining dust slips through my hands although I want to hold on
I became invisible, a mere shadow of it all, a vision of the forgotten past...
In the midst of it all I still seek the soft touch of your hand and the comfort of your voice
hoping the hopeless on a mental craziness that corrupts my soul consuming me...
I want to untie my hands and I don't, my eyes can no longer bare this darkness
it hurts, stings me from the inside, a sword that torn my flesh apart without mercy...
I whisper for my punishment to burn me mercifully as a demon on a cross
I scratch my eyes without consent, without consent they weep, I must tear them apart too...
I look at the dust one last time, see it run through my fingers like your presence
like your love, like madman I cherish the pain by holding it still until I die once more...
Ashes to ashes
dust to dust...

By: Irrsinnig

In this silence...

It's so strange to feel the silence of the night haunting my thoughts once again,
While miss the sweet smell of the locks in which I drowned so many times,
It's so strange to miss the sweet sound of your dreams filling the room,
This empty void you left in me it's burning like a thousand fires of silence,
This silence that once caressed us in our sleep but now stings me so loud,
In tears I worship you from a distant set of clouds,
The fuel that once burned for you it's now consuming me,
In rain I seek the confort for the pain of your loss,
I'm not a brave knight on an enchanted unicorn but still I fought,
I'm lost, afraid, scared and scarred and still here for another beating,
I bared the seasons until the sun was no longer strong to keep up,
While missing the sweet smell of the locks in which I drowned so many times,
I'm now just another shadow in the dark,
Another pigment of dust in the hurricane of abandon,
The star that once brightened my day is now gone
and somehow when I was walking towards nowhere realised
that shadows now live in the dark!

By: Irrsinnig