Checkmate

Silently walking down the street
skipping the tears on the sidewalk,
I caress the falling rain on my face
and cold breeze numbs my eyes
as memories break me from the inside...
Am I alive or just a faded memory in time?
I'm lost and although I'm not,
I'm just a dot in a spiral of descent,
I'm a walking dead, alive and yet dead,
I get home and there's something missing
a shattered hope still resides in me when it shouldn't,
home is no longer home anymore
I want to forget although I don't
and in silence I still crave for your scent,
the pillow once yours inebriates me from a far
everywhere I look there's a memory of you
and my heart prevails...
Strong on the outside, weak on the bone...
silence shouts your name in every moment
and I listen to it like a sour lullaby of yesterday,
today I feel what I probably shouldn't
but I canºt help it, you are here although you're not...
I try to sleep but I can't, in my dreams I seek for you,
I find you and make love to you one last time every night
only to wake up and find your absence...
Where are you now? I keep asking myself,
Why? I shout at myself why I keep doing this,
why do I still hope? Home... What is it now?
I return to the outside hoping the cold air will do me good,
I look at the starry sky and light a cigarrete,
slowly it kills me although I already feel dead inside,
meaning was lost the moment I wasn't enough,
checkmate, the king is dead...
The night lingers on and yet I still look for you...

by: Irrsinnig